I’m Grumpy!

20th April and yet another new man.  I’ve lost count of how many at this stage but
the amount of cheques I’m writing is getting frightening!  So today I head off to meet with the general surgeon.  Weird, I’m feeling great, enjoying the weather and my golf and have an easy mind until we head in the direction of the hospital.  I get that sick feeling in my stomach again.  I see my scar at least twice daily so I know it has happened but I’m shocked at just how far I can bury how I feel and the reality of what’s going on.  As soon as we go over the Liffey I feel totally sick, this is real, this is happening, I am sick and I will be visiting these doctors on a regular basis.

We arrive, I check in, oh can someone please tell me why  consultants’ secretaries are so unfriendly.  I have been very lucky that all my consultants are very nice and treat me as a human being, but God their secretaries are a law onto themselves.  Having introduced myself I get a curt nod and am told to sit outside.  Finally we are called.  This guy is nice, easy on eye too which always helps and he does listen.  I am of the opinion that I am here to be told if and when he is going to do a sentinel node biopsy.  I am conscious of pre-arranged golf matches also I’m managing an away team in the inter club so am thinking of
what day/time suits me.  Oh the naivety of it all.  You would think having been here so many times that I would now know that things just don’t work like that.  He starts by saying I am here for him to decide if I should have a SNB and continues to say that groins aren’t the best and can be problematic.  There is more.  We discuss the outcome should
my SNB prove positive – there is no treatment for MM and the only option would be a block lymph removal.  He basically wants to make sure that I am aware that if MM cells show up somewhere else I am aware that I’m basically screwed.  This I know and don’t like being reminded of it.

He then proceeds to take my history and attitude changes again.  Why have I not had a PET scan?  So back to the one subject that really annoys me, the VHI and the fact that they will only cover one per lifetime for my type of cancer.  He is outraged that I haven’t had one and decides to get back onto the oncologist and between them one is now going to be arranged.  I will let them fight out their own row.  Following the PET I will then be called back for a SNB which will mean total bed rest for 48 hours.  I ask about my golf, I know you think I should have more important things to think about but this is what is keeping me looking forward and planning things. I can see by his face he thinks I’ve lost the plot and dithers and says that with no complications following surgery I might be back playing in 2 weeks.  Ok that I can live with but what about all my matches etc?  I do  not/will not give walk overs.  Oh this is such a bloody mess.  Why are they being so conservative?  OH asks if they can both be done simultaneously, no apparently not as I will be radioactive and this causes problems with the hospital.  So I’m back playing a waiting game again.  I am not a patient person normally and am now just plain grumpy.  I really thought I would leave there with a date and that would be that instead I leave more broke and waiting to hear again.

I’ve another headache!


About carnsoreboxer

Mad housewife and mother who enjoys golfing, reading and travelling
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