Dreaming of Better Times

21st June – Well Leaving Cert continues and I have to say I am extremely proud of The Boy.  He has held his own, hasn’t panicked and had been very together.  Feedback regarding how the exams actually went isn’t exactly forthcoming but I do know he, and the rest of the country, wasn’t happy with Maths.  He finishes on Friday TG.

My absolutely brilliant news is that my lymph’s were clear.  I was so worried about this one, more worried than I have been anytime previously.  The reason, I think, is because if they had shown up positive, even with one tiny cell, it would have meant a block
dissection.  This would have knocked me back severely and also this surgery is at high risk of complications further on.  My healing, as usual is slow, but I am getting there.  Playing an incredible amount of golf and very happily played in the Lady Captains last week.  If someone had told me in Jan or even 3 weeks ago that I’d be playing I’d have laughed!
I am just so determined.  A poor decision on the 17th not only put me out of the prizes but also left me 1 solitary, single shot off getting a handicap cut.  Since then have supported a match, played in a match and caddied in a match no wonder I’m so tired.

Another reason for being so tired is that I nipped into my oncologist secretary and had my bloods done and got a date for my next appointment.  It’s tomorrow!  I feel sick as I type this.  Since the very beginning I knew I’d be going on interferon, lots of procedures, tests, scans etc. had to be suffered first plus I had said that I didn’t want to start until after the Leaving Cert.  So tomorrow, I guess, is when I will get my prescription.  The thought of this really does make me feel anxious.  I honestly don’t want to be self-injecting on a daily basis and suffering side effects.  Someone said to me that once I start I’ll be on the way to being finished, didn’t really make me feel any better.  I am so so tired and this is constantly at the back of my brain now, I really want a holiday.  I dream of none of this happening and being on a really nice beach, waves lapping at my feet, blue sky overhead, birds
chirping away, book in hand with not a worry in the world.  I sometimes wonder if I could turn the clock back and make none of this happen.  This exact time tomorrow I will be with them and in their care and, from where I am at the moment, the next 18 months don’t seem too rosy.  I cling to the belief that sometimes the anticipation is actually worse than reality.

Big competition next Tuesday, think I’ll delay starting till after it – wonder will I get my way?

Watch this space!!

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About carnsoreboxer

Mad housewife and mother who enjoys golfing, reading and travelling
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